Why Marriage Counseling Doesn't Function Anymore
You in no way thought it would come about to you. But now right here you are today... faced with the most critical choice of your life.
No matter what circumstances led to the existing condition of your marriage, all that doesn't matter any longer. All that matters now is that you need to have to uncover a resolution to your marriage difficulties. You desperately want to maintain your family together, but the problem is - you want a resolution that operates.
Most people think that when marriages take a turn for the worst the only resolution is marriage counseling.
But when you turn to marriage counseling, the concentrate is on behavior, action and performing. And in fact, it really is extremely achievable that you could DO all the tips, methods and offered to you by your marriage counselor, but still wind up unhappy and frustrated with every other. Why?
Pastor and international marriage specialist, Mark Gungor's has a single of the best answers I've observed. He makes a superb point that we just do not hear adequate. Here's what he stated:
"If your view of marriage is flawed, all the energy and method you are making use of (such as our marriage will be far better if we just do this or alter that) will end in failure...you must work on your marriage Since you believe it IS useful, not since you are trying to make it important."
Did you know that most marriage counselors do not think your marriage IS beneficial? Numerous of them have already divorced, so why would they see your marriage as any much more beneficial than their personal?
They think marriage is simply expendable and that the kids will be ok. They hold the belief that not all couples are meant to be together which is why they are so quick to give up on your marriage.
Now I know I am creating a generalization about ALL marriage counselors and I do understand that there are some "renegade" marriage counselors who do not follow these beliefs. But based on the a great number of "horror stories" from the couples I've worked with more than the years, these counselors are handful of and far among.
What sort of "horror stories" you ask? Good query.
I know this may be tough to believe, but many of the couples I've worked with over the years who have attended marriage counseling told me that their marriage counselor in fact advised them to DIVORCE!
These couples attended marriage counseling since they wanted to save their marriage, not hear from an "professional" that their marriage is hopeless!
In reality, there have been statistics lately that stated 80% of marriages that finish up in divorce could have been saved if the couple had only received the appropriate aid they necessary.
And as time goes on...while our divorce rate continues to remain at 50%, the truth about marriage counseling is increasingly gaining far more exposure with new options to marriage counseling popping up all over the net.
Now the Actual question you need to ask your self is this...
If the two of you do not believe your marriage IS important, and worth carrying out each and every positive thing you can to make it healthful once more (marriage counseling not in the list), then what hope can you have for your marriage?
The cause couples end up in the offices of marriage counselors is due to the fact they want somebody to help them do what they are not capable to do... believe their marriage IS useful. Talk to practically any couple who has been to a marriage counselor and you'll find them in agreement.
But the sad truth is that most marriage counselors just do not think marriage itself IS useful.
What all this boils down to is this:
Marriage Counselors want to take a great appear at their massive failure rate and realize that they're doing much more harm than good.
Ultimately, the genuine cause for their failure to save marriages may have some thing to do with their initial schooling and education.
Most folks don't know this, but marriage counseling as taught in universities is not marriage counseling at all. It really is therapy for folks.
80% of all private practice marriage counselors in the U.S. say they conduct marriage therapy, however only 12% are in a profession that calls for them to take EVEN One course on dealing with couples, (Dr. William J. Doherty, Minneapolis MN)
As a result, they prefer to perform with each particular person individually, instead of as a couple.
So my tips to you is...
If you happen to be taking into consideration seeing a marriage counselor, take this as your alternative view. If your marriage troubles persist, you are far greater off with a weekend marriage seminar or a marriage coach than a marriage counselor.
In truth, do a speedy search in Google for "option to marriage counseling". What you are going to discover is a range of solutions that do not involve marriage counseling. And extremely often these alternatives are much less costly, less invasive and not at all emotionally draining - significantly in contrast to what you may find in classic marriage counseling.